A Mini Blog Series Enjoy…..
Friday evening 7 pm,
Akpobo Nyore stepped into the living room of her apartment, clad in a blue off-shoulder gown, red stilettos heel with a red clutch purse. She picked her phone from the center table, checking for a call or message from her boyfriend. There was none.
She heaved a deep sigh and plopped on her black sofa complementing the milky yellow paint coating the walls and turned on the television to keep herself busy.
She glanced at the square-shaped wall clock after a while. Her boyfriend Edafe whom she fondly called Dafe was running late. She sighed tiredly.
Nyore felt conflicted. She wasn’t sure if she should be glad Dafe was running late and might end up not going to the concert or feel sad about missing out on an awesome concert.
Dafe had assured her of his prompt arrival, among other things and it wasn’t the first time she felt conflicted. She was different from her boyfriend in every way and it had been troubling her oblivious to him. Dafe was such a God-given gift that she couldn’t ask for more, yet she found herself wanting more out of life, love, and herself.
Despite having a good relationship with God, a job catering to her needs, a roof over her head, a loving and supportive family, an amazing boyfriend; it wasn’t enough. She needed more but wasn’t brave enough to talk about it and it weighed heavily on her heart.
She sighed again, returning her eyes to the television screen when her eyes caught a notepad on the round glass center table.
An idea popped into her head. She reached for the notepad and pen. She opened a page and started scribbling.
I see you. Every day, everywhere, and every moment and my heart beats for you. I love you, with my whole heart. You are one of the best decisions I made in the last two years. You are simply amazing and some days, I feel you are too good for me. We are poles apart and you have your life and goals all figured out, while I am struggling with mine.
You are my strength and with you by my side, I am unstoppable. And that’s the problem. I can’t laugh without you and I still cringe at my different shades of me. I am not brave enough to look at my reflection in the mirror. And I have to view life through your eyes, loving myself because you love the mess I am. You would always say –
“Akpobo Nyore you are your choices, good or bad and it built you. Your experience shaped you into the awesome person you are, worthy of being loved and respected. There’s nothing you don’t deserve. I wish one day, you would see yourself the way I see you – awesome, beautiful, charming, different, eccentric, funny, intuitive, smart, and unique. I thank God for you every day cause I am lucky to have you”.
Yet, I can’t love myself wholly. I can’t be everything you want because I can’t seem to be everything I need to be. I don’t even know what it means and it doesn’t matter to you. I have the rest of my life to figure it out and that’s why I am dependent on you. However, it’s not enough. I have a gut feeling that I can be more. I need to be more. More than your love, my disappointments, scorns of society, and dreams, goals……I can simply be more.
I have to be true to myself before I can be true to you. I can’t give what I don’t have. I have to learn some things on my own like cherishing and loving myself, accepting what I am, embracing who I become, finding my spark and purpose…..the list goes on Dafe.
I know that I am being selfish and you are not obligated to me. So, I will ask anyway – can you meet me in the middle? Only if you think worth it.
Nyore took a deep breath and dropped the notepad with the pen on the table. She reached for it again, hesitating. Although a handwritten letter was old school, there was a uniqueness to it.
‘What will be his reaction after reading my letter?’ She wondered. ‘Will he understand? Will he meet me in the middle? Will he walk out on me?’
There were several questions in her mind. She switched off the television, locked her door, and went to a nearby bar. She needed a distraction and a boost to her courage to face Edafe later on.
He would certainly come over and see her letter as he had the spare keys to her house. It was a matter of time before she got the answer to her scribbling.
What will it be???